Deeply understand your partner

1. Deeply understand your partner

Several weeks ago, a woman told me that after a few months of marriage her husband hated kids. A man wrote to me to say that he discovered several years into his marriage that his wife had been in prison.

I believe a lot fewer couples would get divorced if they actually knew each other before they got married (or even afterwards). The best way to really know someone is with questions.

Questions about money, careers, the past, sex, religion, kids to name a few. The big questions in life that make all the difference and often remove conflict before it arises.

Money, Children and Sex

• Do you think you could ever give up your current life and move half way around the world for someone you love or for a perfect job?
• Do you think life insurance is a wise “investment”?
• At this stage in your life, do you think you would prefer having children or being child-free?
• Do you think your feelings might change?
• Are you a virgin? If so, do you plan on staying one until you are married?

Home and Origin

• How do you feel about friends, relatives or people in need living in your house for a year?
• Where do you think you would be most comfortable living?
• City or country?
• Near the beach or closer to the mountains?
• Hot, warm or cold climate?

Religion, The Past and Fears

• Are there any types of pets that you refuse to live with (snakes, rats, stray dogs, etc?
• Do you have any phobias, fears or concerns about going to the doctor?
• Do you support (with money and/or time) any charities or causes?
• Do you believe in God?
• What were you raised to believe about religion?
• What were you teased about when you were younger?
• How did that make you feel? Did you tease others?

These questions are just the tip of the iceberg. There are hundreds and hundreds more questions that MUST be asked to really know the person you love and to ensure you stay happily marriage for years to come.

Real Love: What is Real Love?

Most people would love to have “real love,” yet often they have no idea what real love is. Take a moment to think about how you would define real love.

Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see color – you have to feel it know what it is. The reason it is hard to define real love is because you cannot experience it with your mind, and definitions are of the mind. Real love is a feeling that is the result of your intention to BE LOVING.

This very different than the intention to BE LOVED. The desire to be loved comes from the ego wounded part of ourselves, the part that believes we need to get love from others in order to feel filled and worthy – that real love is something we get rather than something we are and something we share.

This is what creates the confusion regarding love.

Real love is what you are – what your soul is – a spark of the Divine within. Love is what God/Spirit is. When your deepest desire is to be loving to yourself and others, this desire opens your heart and you become filled with the love that is as ubiquitous as the air you breathe. This is real love – the experience of Spirit that fills the emptiness within and lets you know that you are never alone.

Real Love in a Relationship

What about real love with another person? How do we know when we are experiencing real love?

Real love is what we experience when two or more people come together with open hearts already filled with love, and the love from their hearts overflows as it is openly and joyously shared.

If you come to a relationship with a feeling of emptiness and unworthiness, you cannot experience real love. Real love is not the cake – it is the icing on the cake. The cake needs to be the love that comes through you from Spirit, and the icing is the love you share with another or others.

If you expect another’s love to be the cake, then you will not experience real love, because you are coming from a closed heart and inner emptiness. REAL LOVE DOES NOT NEED ANYTHING FROM ANOTHER PERSON. It is like a waterfall flowing down inside from Spirit, filling the lake within and then flowing out in rivers and streams as it is shared others. However, when the heart is closed, then the lake is empty and becomes like a bottomless sinkhole, desperately attempting to suck love, attention and approval from others.

If you want to experience real love within a relationship, then you need to open – through your desire to BE LOVING – to unconditional love coming through you. You need to invite God-which-is-Love into your heart and become filled with it.

The challenge here is that you cannot desire to GET LOVE and BE LOVING at the same time. The intent to get love will always lead to a closed heart and controlling behavior, which shuts out love. The intent to be loving and to learn what is loving to yourself and others in any given moment is what opens the heart. When you choose the intent to be loving with yourself and others, you will experience real love.

LOVE PERSONALITY?

WHAT IS YOUR LOVE PERSONALITY?????????
It is an obvious fact that we can learn and know what true love is. What we are often not aware of though, is that there are different love trends. Does it even matter if we understand love trends? If we are in a happy relationship, then that means it is all fine, right? Yes and No. Although, your love with your partner might run smoothly for a while, it can take a turn we often never expect. This is why knowing about love trends is helpful.

What may have turned you or your partner on at first, might not be a turn on later. How is this possible if they seemed so crazy over certain things before? The reason is quite simple and reasonable. When we first get involved with people, the attraction and lust is so strong (not that it would not be later), that the way one seduces the other is not truly focused on, but simply instantly appreciated, since they are so drawn to one another.

As the relationship proceeds and the bond builds, you will start getting in touch with your own style of loving and expecting your partner to match up to it. At times, this will be just the case. Couples can share the same love trend, but at other times, they can differ. If your trends do differ, do not look at it as negative, but as a way to combine them and form a creative love trend together. It should not be one way or the other. There is no such thing as the wrong way to love, except for obsession, controlling and abuse, of course-which is not love anyway, although some feel it is.

How do you even come about recognizing the love personality of yours or your partners? It is not difficult, but does require quite a bit amount of observation. Start by making notes of your romantic qualities and ideas of what great romance, sex and seduction is to you. Do you like walks on the beach and dining at cozy, romantic restaurants? Or do you like setting up your sexual activities by setting up a scene and playing along with it, or just going with the flow? By knowing what trend you follow, you will then be introduced to your romantic identity and know what you need from your partner.

There are several types of love trends that you should know about. It will help you come to a deeper understanding of what type of lover you are and your partner as well. People, whose personalities follow the emotional trend, are lovers who pay attention more to the meaning behind things, instead of the thing itself. A man who does not really care for picnics on the beach may still love the event due to the intention behind it. He sees the effort his mate put into it and sees the love and caring meaning that his mate had when the idea was thought of and planned. Emotional lovers are sensitive and love sharing with their partners and are also very spiritual. They do not hold back from expressing their true feelings.

A Creative trend follower on the other hand, may have some of the same traits as an emotional lover, but focuses more on discovering new things and trying them out, taking risks for a bigger thrill. They love to plan and be a part of interesting activities with their lovers because they like going through adventures and new territories together. These types of lovers are found to be quite exciting because they seem to be more mysterious and full of surprises and imagination.

Then you have the traditional trend follower, who likes to follow the rules of what society considers the right way to handle a relationship. They believe in having one partner, following the dating and romance guides to the point (bringing a girl some flowers when picking her up at the door for a date, just to mention one). They also believe in being organized, being financially responsible and planning the events that will take place in their lives with their partners.

Those are the main trends that most people fall into following. This does not mean that a person who has a certain love trend cannot carry qualities from other trends, however. It just means they in general carry that love personality. There is no trend better than the other either. Each trend is unique and interesting in it�s own way. When two people follow the same trend, it is fabulous because they both know exactly what the other is fond of and what to expect as well. There are hardly mixed signals. Having different trends is also a wonderful thing. When a couple has their individual love personality, it opens the door for each one to learn new ways to love expressions and can create a great trend combination!