Deeply understand your partner

1. Deeply understand your partner

Several weeks ago, a woman told me that after a few months of marriage her husband hated kids. A man wrote to me to say that he discovered several years into his marriage that his wife had been in prison.

I believe a lot fewer couples would get divorced if they actually knew each other before they got married (or even afterwards). The best way to really know someone is with questions.

Questions about money, careers, the past, sex, religion, kids to name a few. The big questions in life that make all the difference and often remove conflict before it arises.

Money, Children and Sex

• Do you think you could ever give up your current life and move half way around the world for someone you love or for a perfect job?
• Do you think life insurance is a wise “investment”?
• At this stage in your life, do you think you would prefer having children or being child-free?
• Do you think your feelings might change?
• Are you a virgin? If so, do you plan on staying one until you are married?

Home and Origin

• How do you feel about friends, relatives or people in need living in your house for a year?
• Where do you think you would be most comfortable living?
• City or country?
• Near the beach or closer to the mountains?
• Hot, warm or cold climate?

Religion, The Past and Fears

• Are there any types of pets that you refuse to live with (snakes, rats, stray dogs, etc?
• Do you have any phobias, fears or concerns about going to the doctor?
• Do you support (with money and/or time) any charities or causes?
• Do you believe in God?
• What were you raised to believe about religion?
• What were you teased about when you were younger?
• How did that make you feel? Did you tease others?

These questions are just the tip of the iceberg. There are hundreds and hundreds more questions that MUST be asked to really know the person you love and to ensure you stay happily marriage for years to come.